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User blog:Mochizou/Something About Today
I thought I would write another blog post about my life (because apparently two were not enough). It's been sometime since I was really active here and I apolgise for that, because from the bottom of my heart, it was never my intention to disappear for so long, save for the very rare appearances. I had every intention of staying in contact, maybe even once a month etc. I wrote a blog post over two years ago, where I said that I couldn't devote my time to this place as I had been doing prior to that but that I would still be around....unfortunately I couldn't stick to my word. It's even sadder as well when I see that so many wikians have stopped contributing to the extent that they used to. Some have gone competely, some, like me, make incredibly rare appearances and the majority of the rest now make posts once a day, every other day etc. It's really sad because everyone has scattered from a once vibrant, active community and my extended absence means I missed the changes in their lives that took them away. But enough sadness, back in December 2015 (when I was still contributing here actively), I started a job in retail making coffee for the general public. It was supposed to be a part-time job to bring in a bit of income and setlle back into the UK after 8 years away. It soon grew into something much bigger and by January, I was in full time employment there and by Febraury, I was taking on additonal responsibility. This was for the large part, why my contributions decreased. I no longer had the time (from a very demanding job) to see everyone, and my commitment issues (which I have discovered I have fairly recently) meant that I found it difficult to spread myself too thinly. This was why I made the decision in April 2016 to write a blog post announcing my "departure" from the wiki, with every intention of returning. However, the job continued to be demanding and became even more so as we lost staff and the store became more popular. By the summer, I was swamped and couldn't even maintian IRL friendships. Alongside other hardships (as mentioned in blog no. 2), I lost focus and allowed myself to become a "workaholic", living to work and getting drawn into so much stress and drama. It culminated in November 2016 with my first breakdown and subsequent month off of work fro depression, anxiety, you name it. I should have seen then the warning signs but I persevered. I returned to work just before Christmas and continued back down the same path. January brought betrayal as I turned on my boss after her constance abuse of power and manipulations. It was clear that from that moment onwards, she lost all care for me but I was fighting for myself and my health. By March 2017, my granddad passed away and despite not being affected by it, the stress from work over how I should be feeling and difficulty in being allowed some compassionate leave meant I suffered my second breakdown before more subsequent leave. This leave lasted for 2 months and it was during this leave that I made the decision to change stores and fight for my survival. It worked and I was moved into a store with a manager who had started in the store the week before me (herself having changed stores but for her it was due to promotion). We hit it off and became a bit of a double act, she was disgusted at the hardships I'd faced and was brilliant. Summer 2017 flew by in an instant as my happiness reuturned and I fell in love with my job again. The christmas period proved to be a real hardship however and although there were no breakdowns!! I still struggled and my relationship with my manager altered somewhat. It wasn't all bad though! Last Novemeber, I decided I wasn't spending the rest of my life in retail and after years of indecisiveness, I made the decision to go to college to pursue a career change. This was probably what changed my working relationship with my manager as I showed a different interest but I'm not bothered (we're still on great terms so it's great) In February 2018, I decided I needed to leave this coffee shop as I had ran out of challenges and excitement for the job. I needed something to push me, and it was gone. My manager changed stores at the end of February and a week after she moved, I handed in my notice and was gone by mid-March 2018. Now I didn't go far, I moved to an independent coffee shop where I could work less hours as I pursued my new career. This job started off great, working for an old friend (who had previously worked at my last coffee company) but the owner was what can only be described as a fuckwit who had no consideration for his staff, after sacking the manager, I suffered a fantastic panic attack and was off work (again my god) for stress and anxiety. This prompted me finally having enough and leaving retail altogether to instead volunteer full time in the career I was working towards. GOODBYE RETAIL Now if you read this far, please give yourself a pat on the back xD So, the chosen career! I made the decision to enter Education. Not having the correct qualifications to enter University, I am taking the long way round and started training to become a Teaching Assistant. Part of the course meant volunteering in a school, so I volunteered in my siblings school, once a week (hence the reduced hours in coffee) but after I quit retail, I began volunteering full time and soon became attached to the school and it's staff, who welcomed me in like family and fought to keep me. Everyone's hard work paid off as I was offered a full-time job there starting in September! In 6 months, everything has changed, a completely new path and I sit here estactic at the fact that I made this big change all by myself and off of my own back. I am incredibly happy and proud to be a Teaching Assistant (and hey, all school holidays off can't be bad either!) Relationship front..........nothing, nada, zilch! BUT (and that's a big but) I am more than happy this way. I dabbled with the idea of a relationship and even tested the waters a bit (both ponds) but most people only wanted "fun" and there's only so much fun you can have before you get bored, especially if you're someone like me who doesn't really find anything overly exciting to sexual relationships (it's just like two fish out of water, lots of flopping about.) I'm more than content with being singel, I'm happy this way, it feeds the commitment issues and keeps them at bay. I did have an amazing crush on a co-worker and we're so close than others picked up on our close relationship but I've not seen her in a while (except for dinner the other week), if I could work up the courage, then maybe, just maybe, I could see how she felt but idk. Either way, I'm happy These eventful 2 years, have been the reason for my prolonged absence. I've been swamped but I seem to be returning to some sort of normaility and that's why I'm hoping to actually stick around for a while and reconnect with this place. I have grown, and changed. I'm still the same dork but I know that my view on the world has been altered once more, I switch between cynical and sharp and easy-going and cheerful (the latter more unless it's a bad day =P) I miss you all wtih all of my heart and want to be able to spend some time with the people that helped me through so much and still do <3 I'm still currently on holiday but school starts again two weeks tomorrow so my activity may be up and down but I'll be here. This concluse the "Today Trilogy" of blog posts. Thank you all for being your usual amazing selfs and I look forward to being around a bit more P.S: I'm still obsessed with anime (when I can watch it) and alter-egos will never stop xD. I'm sad you all missed my Yuri on Ice phase as I was unstoppable with my love for the anime and the fact THAT YURI KATSUKI IS MY ACTUAL REINCARNATED SELF BECAUSE HE IS IDENTICAL TO ME IN SO MANY WAYS AND JUST BREATHES MY PERSONALITY I love you guys ♥ Category:Blog posts